Day 5. Marriage

Mark 10:3-9 

Some Pharisees came up to Jesus, testing Him, and began to question Him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife. And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses permitted a man TO WRITE A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY.” But Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. “But from the beginning of creation, God MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE. “FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

IN TODAY's WORLD, HAVING A BIBLICAL FOUNDATION OF MARRIAGE IS IMPORTANT. 
SPEND SOME TIME READING AND CONSIDERING MARRIAGE. 

Short Essay on Marriage and Divorce

  -Kurt Wagner

     God ordained marriage in the beginning of the world as a covenantal, spiritually fellowshipping, flesh joining, offspring producing, sanctifying, sexually exclusive union between one man and one woman. (Take some time see for yourself in Mal 2:15, Gen 2:24, Gen 1:28, 1 Cor 7:2, 2 Cor 6:14) As believers, we are also instructed to only enter into marriage where both man and wife have received salvation by grace through faith in the Lord Jesus. (Due 7:3, 2 Cor 6:14) We understand the relational paradigm of Christ and His Bride, the church, and a man and his wife. (Eph 5:23-24) Men are given the privilege of providing God honoring leadership for their families with a wife who willing come alongside her husband. Husbands should make self-sacrifice a theme of their love for their wife loving, nurturing, and cherishing her as Christ also loves the church and “gave Himself for her.” (Eph 5:23, 29) In other words, marriage gives men the opportunity to model certain aspects of Christ’s love, provision, protection, encouragement, and faithfulness, and likewise women may model faithfulness, love, and joyful submission to the leadership of her husband.

     The relationship of a husband to his wife and a wife to her husband is second only to their duties and relationship to the Lord Jesus Christ. (Luke 14:26) Marriage is intended by God to last until the death of either husband or wife, therefore “what God has joined together let no man separate.” (1 Cor 7:39, Matt 19:6) Limitations in marriage include the exclusion of close relatives. Abram was married to his half sister Sarai, His father’s daughter to another woman; and Adam and Eve, being the first man and woman, had children who intermarried. (Gen 20:12) However, later in the Biblical narrative Leviticus excludes marriage between near of kin, including sisters. (Leviticus 18:9) One likely practical purpose for this restriction is reducing the damaging effects of the deterioration of genetic information in offspring of close relatives which produces a higher likelihood of birth defects and genetic disorders.

     Marriages are consecrated by sexual intercourse; however the mere physical act is not sufficient in binding a man to a woman in marriage. Sexual union without the covenant of marriage is fornication or adultery. As marriages are covenantal, they should be consented to and held to God’s standard.[1] Biblical marriage accounts are often accompanied by a celebratory period after the formal betrothal period, which was also legally binding in regards to exclusivity in sexual union. (Deu 22:23, 24)  However, declaring marriage simply due to the act of sexual intercourse undermines much of the specific language pertaining to sexual sins by Paul in the New Testament.

     Marriages should adhere to any civil laws which do not directly undermine the nature of marriage in the place where a couple resides. Common law marriages as historically practiced in the United States, which provided legal marriage benefits after a period of mutual infidelity, are very apathetic toward God’s Word. (Rom 13:1, 1 Cor 7:2) Marriage vows were part of Old Testament and Christian marriage, confirming the husband’s taking or pursuing a wife.[2] Once again this is indicative of the paradigm in Christ’s husbandry of the church.

     Today, marriage is mostly considered a civil union that may be broken for merely irreconcilable differences as was also the case in first century Judaism, albeit with nearly all benefits to the man and all loss to the woman. While marriage is in part a civil union, it invokes much more respect than any post-modern human ethic provides. God has declared marriage holy, a label that our society treats with contempt. Proverbs advises that a man find satisfaction in the wife of his youth, because in her he has found favor from the Lord. (Pro 5:8, 18:22)

     When considering God’s high view of marriage, we can expect to see God’s concern for the breaking of this union. In fact, God says plainly that He “hates divorce.” (Mal 2:16) As believers under the authority of God’s word, it is clearly evident that you should not be divorced in 1 Corinthians 7:10. Jesus gives exception in that a man whose wife commits adultery may divorce her and remarry while she is forbidden to remarry. Yet, this is likely referring to the Jewish period of betrothal prior to consumation of the marriage. (Mat 19:8) By inference one may assert this is applicable as suitable for an adulterous man as well. Yet, this horrifically damages the paradigm of Christ to the church because, “if we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.” (2 Tim 2:13)

     We, like Jesus, ought to have a high view of marriage as was intended from the beginning of creation. (see Matthew 5 and 19)[3] Certainly the sin of adultery is not part of God’s plan for marriage. Likewise, the sin of adultery is a very serious sin in its consequences. In light of this, divorce is NEVER mandatory. In fact God devotes the life of Hosea to demonstrate a husband’s love to an adulteress, acting out in human events His faithfulness to an adulteress nation. (Hos 3:1) Still, we know that God gives more grace when we humble ourselves to Him, likewise in a marriage, mercy triumphs over justice. (James 4:6)

     Barring the aforementioned possible exception, married Christians do not have Biblical grounds for divorce with the intent to remarry. This is very clearly taught in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11. They may however have grounds for Agape love, repentance, forgiveness, reconciliation, or any other proper Christian response to their spouse. For those married to an unbeliever, separation is acceptable only for the cause of peace. (1 Cor 7:15) In today’s society, divorce is permitted for reasons as vague and self deceiving as supposedly falling out of love or interest in a new mate. Biblical love is not founded on flittering emotion, but rather a purposed benevolence upon a friend and lover. Likewise, the pursuit of a new or better relationship is a blatant disregard for God’s will. Perhaps the largest problem in our society is our lack of Biblical knowledge, unsaved individuals, or false professions of salvation in Christ.

     Some may object to a strict stance on divorce, however, no biblical grounds are acceptable in light of Christ’s teaching for further permission. Regarding the remarriage of a believer who divorces their spouse the only possible, yet debated exception alluded to in scripture is adultery. (1 Cor 7:10-15, Mat 19:5) Even so, the only proposed permission for divorce is a result of sin, and sin always bears consequences.

     Divorce negatively impacts the parting parties whether due to the sin during the relationship or the emotional separation afterward, especially regarding any children caught in the middle. When studying the effects of divorce it is important to separate the concepts of religious affiliation from religious practice. Calling one’s self a rock doesn’t make them a rock. After separating other socio-economic factors from skewing results, University of Virginia sociologist Brad Wilcox has found that regularly participating evangelical Christians are 35% less likely to divorce.[4] Through the prophet Malachi, God pronounced that divorce is violence. Divorce results in an environment of insecurity and fear for the marriage partners, and more-so for the children. Children in a divorce situation are four times more likely to commit suicide and two times more likely to drop out of high school.[5] Divorcees are at least six times more likely to use inpatient psychiatric care, more likely to commit suicide, and in a 1998 survey in South Carolina, 62% regretted not working harder to save their marriage.[6]

     Divorce is never mandatory, and marriage as a covenant is always able to be continued, even if forgiveness and a time of healing are needed. Separation with the intent to reconcile is certainly acceptable and important, especially if a partner is endangered within the situation at hand. Yet, the motive to reconcile and maintain a healthy marriage should be from faith in Biblical doctrine, as modern statistical research confirms and supports Biblical understanding that divorce is not God’s will. Troubled spouses should seek the Lord Jesus Christ and so be drawn together and continue to get clear Biblical counsel.  Itching ears for personal preference should be rejected and spouses should submit to God. Regardless of how far apart a man and wife have grown, if they both humble themselves, and adopt the humble mindset of Christ, they will only walk closer and closer together. 

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[1] Walter A. Elwell, ed., Evangelical Dictionary of Theology, 2nd ed. (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Academic, 2001), page 347.

[2] Ibid., 742.

[3] Ibid., 346.

[4] Glenn T. Stanton, “Divorce and Cohabitation,” www.marriagemattersjackson.com, http://www.marriagemattersjackson.com/Resources/Documents/Divorce%20and%20Cohabitation%20DIVORCE.pdf (accessed April 16, 2012).

[5] “Children Divorce Statistics,” www.edivorcepapers.com, http://www.edivorcepapers.com/divorce-statistics/children-divorce-statistics.html (accessed April 17, 2012).

[6]  Stanton.